I never did like Mondays

Monday, November 10th, was just a day for the blahs. Moody blues or whatever you want to call them. For the military it was part of a four day weekend here, so I didn’t have to report to formation. But the kids still had to go to school, even though they really didn’t want to go. I didn’t have to worry about Alysa and Paige either. Which was a good thing because those kids gave me such a wonderful gift this weekend; I caught their cold.


I took care of seeing both Keri and Stella off to school, gave them all the attention and help they need, smiled as Stella waved goodbye from the bus and then went right back to bed. They say: “If you find yourself waking up on the wrong side of the bed, go back and try again.” Too bad for me; the other side of the bed was the phone. Deb from the hospital called for me to make arrangements for another meeting. I set it for tomorrow at 11:30 a.m. That phone call ended what should have been a wonderful nap. Linda has stated on previous meetings and visits things like: “This is just so easy for you, throwing our marriage away like this.” Or “You don’t care about what this is doing to me or else you wouldn’t be doing it.”

It’s never easy! Especially when I find yourself alone, thinking that maybe, just maybe I should give her another chance. I know intellectually it wouldn’t make a difference and I would be putting my children at risk again. But emotionally, when I’m alone I wonder could there be away to salvage everything without her having to leave. I am not the one that likes to throw away, what would have been a 13 year old relationship in December. I walk through my house and everything is still in the right place. Her dresser is filled with her clothes and all of her pictures are still up. I haven’t been able to bring myself to changing anything yet. But just like the relationship itself, I will make changes when then the problems out weighs the benefits.

Karla called me at about noon and told me Paige and Alysa had stayed home from school because of their colds. So I decided to go over and cheer them up. (Or maybe the other way around) Surprisingly enough I found them helping each other in cleaning their rooms. I was just standing in the hall watching them until Alysa turned around and nearly jumped out of her skin. I guess I should have announced myself, but that would have taken the fun out of scaring them. Shocked looks were replaced with smiles quickly enough though.

One of them asked if Stella was coming over after school. The other asked if Stella could spend the night. I said only if they did as their Mom asked and finished their rooms. Alysa gave me a quick hug and they both went back to cleaning. I sat down and talked with Karla until Keri made it home. Before leaving I checked on Alysa and Paige’s progress and was surprised at their progress. I let them know that Stella would be able to spend the night. Karla made Pulled Pork Sandwiches, Cole Slaw, Deviled Eggs and Baked Beans. For me that sounded like a dangerous combination, but it turned out very good. Keri and I spent the remainder of the evening talking about her feelings and plans for the future and troubles with the past.

The picture at the top is Heather and Keri on the day I was married to Linda. They were our flower girls. Keri was 4 1/2 years old and every day now I can see how much it hurts her to have Linda's final words hanging over her. For Keri, Linda is the only Mom she's ever known and now Linda says she only has one daughter.

-Ken

A little bit about these girls.

Saturday and Sunday has been filled with kids. Lots and lots of kids! Just like last weekend I had all of the girls here. From Left to Right: Alysa, Stella, Paige, Madison, and Emma. What you don't see is Keri and her boyfriend in the living room watching a movie. I can say that all of them are really good kids.

We have done everything over the weekend. The weather stunk and most of them had colds, making it a challenge to keep them all entertained. Emma played Hide and Seek for a little while with Keri.

She hid in the clothes that I needed to fold. Keri found her with the camera. Emma is only 3, but she is a little too smart for her own good. Both her and her sister Madison are attention needy at times and rarely get along on anything. If we can, we keep them doing seperate activities to avoid the fighting.

Emma likes to sneak off when you’re not looking and I think that she is the perfect child to have around the house. She becomes a great teaching tool for a teenager that needs to learn patience.

Madison however wants what everybody else has. She is only 6 years old and is built like a little tank. I have to keep an eye on her all the time. If she is not the center of attention, she will do something; anything to get that attention. Good or bad, it won't matter. With the right influence however, she is a good girl. Usually all it takes is a little firm tone and she's easily refocused on behaving herself. These two don't have a steady father figure in their lives, unfortunately, which means they love to climb all over me. Having them around is always entertaining to say the least.

Their Mom works on the weekend, goes to school during the weekdays and goes to Port Richards whenever she gets the chance. So, I can kinda expect them back next weekend.

Alysa is like having a second mother around, especially with Emma. Anytime Keri or I need an extra hand in dealing with their rougher moments she steps right up to help. She’s very capable in redirecting their attention onto better things to do and appears to instinctively know what is troubling them. Alysa is the more sensitive and sensible one, between her and her sister Paige. Alysa is 9 years old and Paige is 7. They are both cheerleaders and are good playing by them self. Stella, being 8 falls right in between them. Paige and Stella are in the same class, but after school it’s Alysa who asks for Stella to stay over. The two of them have a lot in common. She's the one that has talked Stella into becoming a cheerleader. Yeah for me!! Now I have to deal with Pom Poms too.

Paige is the stubborn one. She’s abrupt and tells it like it is, whether you like the answer or not. With me she doesn’t seem to be too difficult to deal with; maybe, because she’s a lot like me. I find it easier to deal with her by explaining things more clearly to her. If she understands what you are wanting from her and why, then regardless of whether or not she likes it; she will do as you ask. She won’t allow the other kids to take advantage of her. If you made her a promise, you had better remember it. She will!

With all of these kids over this weekend, I still managed to find time to clean the house a little and keep the basic chores caught up. By Sunday evening, it was time for all of them to go to their own homes. I found myself chatting with a friend online, texting Karla via my cell phone and brushing the girl's hair out all at the same time. I feel for you ladies that have long hair and I'm glad that the army requires me to keep mine short.

-Ken

The 80's has returned.

This whole week has just flown by. Although I have been very busy, some things are becoming more of a routine and a little more calm. Every morning I have been able to get up at about 4:30 a.m. in order to get my jogging time in. I have been averaging about 4 miles every other morning. On my off days, I have been able to sneak off to the community center for a good workout.

After my exercise, I have time to, take care of my two dogs, take a shower and get myself dress to go to my 6 a.m. formation/meeting with the rear detachment. By 6:30 a.m., I am back at home seeing Keri off. I quickly have breakfast with her, talk about what ever is on her mind at the time. She catches the bus by 6:45 and I have to be there for Stella. On some nights, Stella might stay over at Karla’s or Alysa and Paige will stay at my house. It always depends on the evening activities and what is practical. This has been having a positive impact on Stella too, but I will explain this a little later.

If Stella stays at my house, Keri or I will have her up and dressed by 6:45 a.m. Stella would then join me for a trip to Karla’s house to help in waking up Alysa and Paige. If Stella is already at Karla’s then it just easy for me to wake up all three. This helps Karla out and gives her a more relaxed morning. One of the few ways I can repay her for her kindness and help. Besides, if asked, I would have to say, I love spending this time with the kids. Getting the girls up is a very slow and complicated process. They are not morning people, especially, Alysa and Paige. While I am waiting for them to get dressed, I am usually letting their 2 dogs out. (1 is a Cocker Spaniel, and the other is a Terrier.) Then I feed their two female cats. By the time they are taken care of, the girls are starting to make their appearance downstairs. Not quite awake, they sit in the living room waiting for me to brush out their hair. Then it on for a quick breakfast and a scramble of finding their bags, homework, making their lunch, having arguments, giving Karla hugs and kisses and climbing into my van. This is all done by 8 a.m. I dive them over to the bus stop and let them sit in the van waiting for the bus. Once we’re in place, here come some of their friends. Within a few minutes, the bus for the Primary School will come by and I will see Paige and Stella off as they wave from the bus window. Alysa and I wait about another 10 minutes for her bus; she has picked up the habit of waving goodbye too.

Every after either I am home waiting for Keri to get off the bus or she will call to let me know that she made it home safely. After she is done with her homework and chores, she asks if Jamie can come over. She is slowly learning to pace herself out with her relationship with Jamie. No matter what I am doing, I always make it back in time to meet Stella coming off the bus. It’s good to note however, that with a single phone call, Karla and Keri both are in place to pick up Stella. It is the beginning of that family care plan I have needed. It is truly amazing how God works. I have been focusing so much on the primary issue of safety and security for the kids, that I just now noticed where he has been helping me. After the kids gets back to Karla’s house, it’s a quick snack and on to homework. Karla and I work together to help them when they need it and to work out the details out for dinner. And this is where the routine ends.

On Monday, November 3rd, I arranged to meet with Linda and her support staff at the hospital to go over her exit plan from the hospital. Mind you this was also going to be the time when Linda would find out about the Protection Order. I went to the meeting with a lot of trepidation. The meeting was set for 3 p.m. and it was over by 3:15 p.m. Her physiatrist noticed that I was hesitating on giving out too much information and asked the question… “Could you explain the legal aspects of why Linda can’t come home?” I could only answer with the truth. “Yes, because I was granted a Protection Order from the Jefferson County Court House.” Linda, sat there for about a few seconds then jumped up to her feet and approached me so fast, I thought she was going to hit me. She stopped herself about a foot from where I was sitting and screamed “I hate you” and ran out the door. Deb, the Social Worker ran out with her and her physiatrist was quick to follow. I sat there for another 5-6 minutes, unable to stop myself from shaking. I have seen her enraged by events in the past, but this really was the worst.

On Tuesday, November 4th, I had my appointment with the Staff Judge Advocate on post. They helped me with the paperwork I needed to start a legal separation agreement. It was my hope to use this step to provide financial security while continuing to ensure Linda’s has continued medical benefits. With a divorce she would loose everything she needs to fix herself. After that meeting, I went home and checked my bank online. I found out about a check for over $300.00 was written by Linda prior to going into the hospital. This crated a negative balance in the account that I was leaving open for Linda’s needs. I was removing my name from all joint accounts. I will be required pay it off in order to get my name off this account. This of course will make it harder to insure that money was being set up for Linda to go to Kentucky and be able to support herself.

Wednesday, November 5th, the day was spent addressing other issues that I have been discovering. Like a loans Linda had taken out by using the power of attorney. I worked to budget them in and arranged to pay off two of them. I typed up a Revocation of the Power of Attorney and sent it out to all the businesses that Linda may have contacted and ensured that a copy was sent to the bank. I met up with Karla and Allison at the Post Exchange in order to do some shopping for dinner. They made some smart comment about me being a good “Army Wife”, and learning how the other half lives. This was made worse by the kids calling me “Mr. Mom”. Karla took us out to her favorite Korean Restaurant for dinner. I had never been there before, but the food was great. It’s also funny to watch people’s faces when we enter a restaurant. With so many kids, they have to shuffle tables in order to make room. It reminds me of the days growing up when I was the youngest of six.

Thursday, November 6th, was a day for getting the house work caught up a little. I managed to get every thing done at my house that I set out to do this week, except the garage. Karla asked me to help her with the kids mess at her house. Her house was in worse shape then mine. When the kids tare through her house, they do it with so many friends from the neighborhood. She has no hope of keeping up. Besides, helping gets me out of having to clean that garage; plus, it allowed me to be with friends. After the dinner, I took the Keri and Stella in for a visit with Linda. This did not go so well. Stella received a picture that Linda had made in craft group and asked: “Where’s Keri’s. It’s not fair that she doesn’t have one.” That caused Keri to shake her head a little and the visit to be tense. Stella didn’t want Mom and I to be mad at each other anymore. Linda was getting upset at the fact that I was in the room and Stella trying to include me in their conversation. Keri and I wound up sitting out in the hall at Linda’s request for the remainder of the visit. Karla and I ended the evening with making plans for the kids dance at the primary school. The theme for the dance is the 80’s

Friday, November 7th, I did my normal visit and routine at Karla’s house, but her girls were not going to school. They needed to get ready for a dental visit. After, they were up Stella and I returned home because Stella wanted to catch the bus this morning at her normal bus stop, and spend time with her other friends. I was able to sit and watch a show for about an hour when Karla called to go shopping. We hit Target, several stores in the mall and Wal Mart. The goal was to make the girls look like they were in the 80’s. I think we did a wonderful job. The kids were all surprised and excited by the time they came home from school. By the time Karla and I were done getting the girls dressed, their hair done and their make-up on it was time to leave. Oh! Yes, for me it was a little weird to be putting make-up on Stella and to change out her ear rings. I’m not a girl; I’ve never done anything like this before. LOL. But, it was fun.

We loaded up all the kids into the van and I drove us all to the school. Karla, Keri, Stella, Alysa, and Paige were singing to Carrie Underwood’s “Jesus, take the wheel”, and few other popular songs. You know, they didn’t sound half bad either. I couldn’t help but enjoy the 25 minute road trip. The dance was a lot of fun for the girls and every one of the adults were talking about their years through the 80’s. Some of us actually got down and danced. After the dance, we stopped by Taco Bell for a late snack. Then it was on to Karla’s house for a change of clothes for Alysa and Paige. Those two along with Madison and Emma stayed the night at my house, while the ladies went out again. One Dad and six girls, take a guess on who was responsible on getting all of that hair spray out of the girl’s hair. And Karla had emptied a can of Aqua Net on them! Enjoy the pictures.

-Goodnight, I am exhausted.

The Weekend

--Saturday, November 1st, the last of the 5 girls had finally fallen asleep about 1:30 a.m., which was Emma. For a 3 year old she had a lot of energy. Her and her sister Madison was at each other until I found a way to keep them separated. I woke them all up relatively early and got them dressed for the day. We all headed to my house for brunch. The Mom’s had not made it back home yet, and I didn’t feel comfortable cooking in someone else’s kitchen. Later in the day, Karla checked in, made sure the kids were okay. The kids were doing everything; playing on the Wii, “chasing the horses”, and I even hear the song “I kissed a girl”, being sung by Keri, Alysa, Stella and Paige.

Then all of the kids started singing different songs, including Christmas songs. When Karla made it home I brought her the kids and a Subway. The kids and I helped to clean up the mess they had made.

I had invited Paige and Alysa over to spend the night with Stella. Karla didn’t have plans for anything and found herself with no kids. Well I would up with the same girls over at my house till Sunday afternoon. Trust me I wasn’t complaining. I haven’t heard this much laughter in my house in a long time. I grilled up some hamburgers and hotdogs for dinner. Took dinner over to Karla and allowed her time to go out again.

All day Sunday was filled with activities and games that kept the girls from getting bored. Stella was really enjoying herself and so was Keri, who surprisingly enough took a day off from her boyfriend to help me out. Keri got the girls into more singing. I think Christmas is going to make an early appearance at my house. She even helped me with cooking lunch?!!

Sunday Dinner was simple because I had agreed to take Stella by the hospital to visit with Linda. For the first time in a week, Stella actually had one on one attention from Linda. Linda had set up some pictures for the two of them to color. Keri had come along for moral support, but after getting snubbed by Linda she waited outside the ward reading a book. Linda was trying her best to get information out of Stella about what out activities were and Stella would just answer “I’ve just been doing kid things”. I don’t know why Stella was omitting so much from Linda. She only said that she had gotten a lot of candy for Halloween and was “having fun with Paige and Alysa. And two girls you haven’t met before Mom, Madison and Emma.” I kept getting strange looks from Linda and a sense that she did not like the idea of Stella withholding information. After the visit I asked Stella why and she only said that “I was afraid that Mom would get angry at you again Dad.” Here I was thinking that I was protecting her from dealing with the stress. Who would have thought that an 8 year old could be trying to protect me? So much for keeping her out of it! It was time for us to go home, unwind and get ready for another school week.

-Ken

Happy Halloween

--This was the most complicated day of the whole week, but in a good way. It started with getting the girls dressed in their costumes, for school. I couldn’t get a picture of Keri, because she was shy about being caught in a dress of any sort. Especially this outfit, it showed too much of her legs. The younger ones were all excited by the time we hit the bus stop. They all loaded into my van to stay warm. Bryce (Daughter of my Battalion Chaplain) joined us.

Karla joined me for the Primary School’s parade and Halloween Party. I was fun to get down with these kids. They had a lot more energy then us parants.

After the party we had to rush off to pick-up Alysa from her school, run to McDonald's for a quick dinner and get home. We were expecting more kids over and wanted to be ready for Trick or Treat. Keri desided to spend the evening with her boyfriend. Stella was a Fairy. Alysa was a Black Cat. Paige was a Cute Bunny. Madison was a Little Devil. And Emma was a Little Fairy.

After all of this and all of the sugar, my evening wasn't done. Karla, Alison, and Liz were planning a Lady's Night Out. So it was just the 5 girls for the night with me babysitting.

-Ken