Wednesday, November 25, 2009

: Nov 25, 2009

Is she making progress?

Current mood: hopeful



I understand that you and I are over, but do you really think it necessary to keep me from knowing what is happening with Stella? She is our daughter, that will never change no matter how much you wish that were different. I am not Annette. I am not just going to walk away from her and forget that I ever had her. I am her mother and I have a right to know how she is doing and where she is. I understand that she may not want to talk to me for the fact that her feelings are hurt, honestly I don't understand why you are behaving this way. I have tried to give space and be understanding, but being away from her is breaking my heart. You know that I have no money to be able to be where she is or else I would be. All I'm asking is to know how she's doing, I not asking you to dilvulge any information that concerns you or your personal life, that is no longer my concern. Please all I'm asking from you is let me know that she is ok and doing well.

Thank you,




Stella has been doing great. She's had a very active summer vacation. I would love nothing more then for you to stay in contact with her. It seems to all of us that every time you had a chance to talk with her, it was filled will or ended with complaints and anger. Simply put, we were tired of that.

I had stopped using this e-mail a couple months ago, but have been checking it form time to time to see if you had sent a message. Stella still has her e-mail address too and after a while she stopped checking that as well. There are a few things that you need to fix between you and her. She should explain her feelings better. If you remember, she's the type of girl to avoid confrontations. So feel free to send her an e-mail. I will have her start looking for it. CC me and I will remind her.

Have no fear, she's been enjoying things here. She is healthy, happy and thanks to the (tonsils being removed) having less problems with ear/sinus infections. She is looking forward to 4H next year. She already has several friends and keeps in contact with her old friends too.

Attached is a few pictures: Her first horseback riding lessons and a current picture from one of our trips. (Forgive the black hair) it is temporary and was for her black cat Halloween costume.

You state: "I understand that she may not want to talk to me for the fact that her feelings are hurt, honestly I don't understand why you are behaving this way." First, I would like to say, that I have never thought of you being like Annette. In her case, I was legally required to have no contact. I still have a hard time comparing you to Annette. The years we shared, makes the distinctive difference. As well as the fact, Stella knows who her Mother is: I would not want to have that changed for anything. Your unresolved acts of anger and your outburst has us all on the defensive. I know very well of your vindictive nature.

That is the reason for me behaving this way. You say you would never hurt Stella... I will admit that you would not purposely hurt her. I know how much you love her. But, you have got to see how your behavior has caused her a lot of pain emotionally. So, I do what I do, to protect her and in some way to protect you from making more mistakes or creating a situation were she no longer wants to be near you.

When we visited you in Kentucky, my plans were to stick around until she was ready to go. You saw what happened. At the motel you were quick to getting judgmental. You were more concerned with the absence of a ring then your were of spending time with her. The same air of tension was present during the visit at Bill & Barbara's house. She didn't want to stay there long and told me so. The conversations over the phone after that had made her even more uncomfortable. I admit to receiving a couple missed calls. I would ask her if she would like to call you back; she would say not right now. I do not say this to cause you any pain, but to help you understand. I hope things improve and you two can reconcile, so that you can have a productive and loving relationship with Stella.




Thank you for the pictures, I am truly grateful. I am very sorry if you felt that while you all were here in KY that I felt it more important to ask about a ring, I asked about it just as I was getting ready to walk out the door, my entire time while in was in the room was devoted to the kids. I know that I am responsible for a lot that went wrong, and I know that what I did hurt everyone in a way that is unforgivable. Ken so much has changed as far as who I am now goes, and in so many different ways. I only want to be sure that Stella and I will have a realtionship. I admit that my anger gets in the way of having healthy realtionships and that is something that I am constantly working on and with the help of the Lord I am doing pretty well. I am having to learn how to be me and how to be happy with that. I truly wish for you everything good and you all are in my prayers always. I guess in a way I will always love you, but I understand that in loving you I lost who I was and I didn't know how to live when you were'nt around. As I stated so much has changed. I will be e-mailing Stella and I know that I am going to have accept whatever she has to say, I NEVER wanted to hurt her in any way. I guess if I have to thank you for anything it would be for her. I wish you the best and I am very, very happy to hear that she is doing so well. Once again thank you for responding and thank you for the pictures.

God Bless,


My Dearest Stella,

How are you? I miss you so much! I heard from your dad that you are learning to ride horses, I think that is wonderful and I know you must really be enjoying it! I saw the pictures of you on the horse, Stella you are just so beautiful! Stella I know that I have so much to apologize to you for. I NEVER EVER meant to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable. I'm so sorry that I made you feel that way. I know that I have a lot to answer for. Mommy is trying really hard to change, not only for myself but for you as well. Stella you are so important to me and you always will be. There is a lot that has changed with me and I hope that some day you will be able to forgive me for everything I have done to hurt you. You have so much to offer the world, and I know that you will do great in everything you do. All I want for you is to be happy and live a full and happy life. I pray each and every day for you! Keeping the Lord close to my heart has helped me to heal and be a better person, and I hope that you will always know how much I love you. Please always keep God close to you. I know that when you were here visiting me you were very uncomfortable being around me and I am very sorry for that. I never want you to feel that way with me! I will wait for you no matter how long it takes for you to forgive and want to talk to me again. I know that you are very close to your dad and you should be he is a wonderful father to you and he has always been. When you are ready to talk to me again I will be here. If you call and I don't answer it's because I am at work or church, otherwise I will answer when you call. Just always remember that I love you!

Love Always,