Fun @ Stella's Art Class

Proud and Happy! One of the Paiges


The other Paige. Paige helping to direct.


Stella's really going at it. Paige and Stella.


I wasn't the only Parent. Liz and Paige.

--Thursday, October 30th, the day was spent shopping and relaxing. We had to get everything ready for Halloween. These pictures were taken on the 24th of October. I wasn't able to get them downloaded from the camera until now.

-Ken

Continuing on:

--Wednesday, October 29th, I arrived at the Court House early. (I was able to get Karla to see Stella off to school.) This allowed me to get my paperwork in order and mentally prepare for the task of showing evidence of Linda’s disorder as an endangerment to the well being of our two children. I needed to present my case to protect the children and leave enough room in the orders for me to take care of Linda’s interests. The Judge was very good at understanding what I was trying to get accomplished. He asked me several questions, all of them involving Linda’s actions and the impact to children. It’s was difficult to not feel like I was betraying her. I stuck to the task at hand. The Judge awarded me with the Protection Order for Keri, Stella, our home residence and my place of employment. I was also awarded with temporary custody of Stella. While the Protection Order does prevent Linda with making contact with the children, the Judge ensured that while this Protection Order was in place that Linda would still be able to make contact with me for supervised visitation with Stella.

While the Orders were being type up by the Court Clerk, Danielle and I discussed what would be required next. I was responsible for serving the Orders on Linda, but couldn’t do so until Linda was out of the hospital. She set me up on the correct path and insured that I would call her prior to the next Court appearance on the 21st of November.

I left for Thompson Park to take a break and to take pictures of the snow fall. This allowed me to relax and straiten out my emotions. I can’t begin to describe the emotions that have been going through me. Anger: at myself, for allowing everything to come to this. Regret: for Stella and Linda both. Sadness: after finding myself alone again. Hesitation: wondering if I was doing the right thing. And so much more was running through my head.

I returned to Fort Drum, briefed the chain of command, notified the MP station and called Linda’s Social Worker with the information. Deb and I discussed the impact that this would have on Linda’s emotional state and how best to proceed. She needed a copy to ensure that I was legally able to appear at the Mental Health Department. So I made another trip to Watertown to deliver the copy and to drop off a few things for Linda. With most of my tasks accomplished, I returned back to the house. It didn’t feel much like a home anymore. I did some more work on the house and chatted with a few friends, then returned to Karla’s to meet Stella, Alysa, and Paige at the bus stop. Karla has been extremely helpful in ensuring Stella has plenty of distractions and friends to keep her busy throughout all of this.

The snow has been falling steadily and has given us more then a foot to play with. So of course I did just that. Not the way I wanted to, (sledding at Thompson Park), but I still had a lot of fun with Keri, Stella, Alysa, and Paige. The snow has always made me feel like a kid again.

-Ken

Playing Catch-up

--On Tuesday, October 28th, I had an appointment with Victim Assistance to start the protection order. I sat in their office going over all the things that had happened. They provided a great deal of assistance in preparing my Petition for Protection Order and the Petition for Temporary Custody of Stella. After they had all of the information needed they told me to return later for the review of the documents. I used the time to clear my head and make a few phone calls. I made a trip to the hospital to check on Linda’s health. I found her still in the emergency room. This in itself was a little strange, because the previous two times she was taken up on the same day.

The visit was a very tense of course, but that’s was expected. I saw the damage she’d done to her wrist and decided to wait a few days before Stella came to visit. This was not something for her to see.

I returned to the Court House to check on the status of the petitions and after reviewing them, Danielle stayed with me until they I filed them with Family Court. They had the Request for an Emergency in with the paperwork; so I was able to get a hearing the following morning at 8:30. I thanked Danielle for her assistance and mad arrangements to meet before the hearing. The evening was spent with Karla’s family and preparing for my meeting with the Judge. Our first snow of the season was coming down outside and I was doing my best to enjoy. I felt like a kid again

-Ken

Save the Children or Save the Wife?

The “Tough Decision” that I mentioned last time has been painful. I didn’t make it. Life did. Linda was released on Tuesday. The plan was for her to stay with her friends, Ben & Wendy. The Social Worker agreed to Linda’s short term plan to step out of the home until she had her issues under control. Long term plan was for her to move to Kentucky. I agreed to continue supporting her throughout her therapy. We even had a therapist lined up that accepted my medical coverage.

Linda stuck with the plan for about 4 hours and returned home. She was making everyday more painful for both Keri and I. On Thursday, I had received a phone call from Stella’s teacher. She needed information and wished to inform me that Stella was being affected by the stress here at home. Stella had been distracted and crying at school. Linda overheard my end of the conversation and asked to be filled in. When I did, she broke down crying and complaining how much she was affecting the children and destroying all of our lives. After she got her emotions under control, she stated that she would go ahead with the plan. She left for Ben & Wendy’s house with just the bare necessities. Each and everyday she was staying over there, she was slowly progressing back to the idea that this was her house too and she had the right to stay here. I legally could not keep her out of the home. And legally I could not stop her from seeing the kids.

On Saturday, she forcefully returned to the house. We had gotten into a small argument about it. Keri was there for a part of it and was quick to get angry. She calmly told Linda how she felt. Correction, Keri never is calm when she confronts someone. I asked Keri to take a break in her room. Stella at this time was playing at Karla’s house. She just happened to call for a check in and was allowed to stay over there for the night. I waited for Linda to settle down, and then I left for Karla’s house. I informed Karla of what had happened and she offered to let us all stay over at her house. She also had a babysitting job for Keri.

I brought Stella back with me to get everything she needed to stay the night and to let Linda spend a little time with Stella. The played a brief game because Stella was excited to spend the night with her friends. While they were playing I had Keri go meet up with Karla. Keri was not in the best of moods, but was happy to do anything that got her out of the house. In addition to the stress from Linda, her boyfriend was out of contact. In hindsight, it was the wrong weekend for them to be taking a break from each other. I used the opportunity that was presented and ensured that Linda could not affect the kids anymore.

I did not quite expect the babysitting job was for me. Karla took me out to one of the local clubs, just to unwind. It was a good escape. We both had Mountain Dew to drink and watched others make a fool of themselves. I have been in this area since 2003 and never stepped into any of the bars around here. When we got back to her house the kids were all asleep. Keri was crying and having a difficult time sleeping. So I just sat next to her all night.

For Sunday we had plans to go swimming. I was the first one up on Sunday morning and was concerned for Linda. I returned to the house and watched TV a little. Linda started acting like a child and was trying everything to goad me into having some stupid argument. I refused to play that game and left. She sent me a text message demanding to see Stella. I didn’t have a problem with that, so I brought Keri and Stella back for their bathing suits and let Linda and Stella play a game. That didn’t last either. Linda was acting extremely rude to Keri and me. So we quickly left again.

Well we all made to the pool, taking two vehicles to get there. We had a lot of fun. I stayed at the shallow end the whole time. (I still have a little fear of water.) But it turned out be a really good time. The three young ones kept me busy the entire time. Keri and I had a little fun too, but you tell that all of this stuff was hurting her. After we were done swimming, Keri and I bought our wet suits back to the house to get washed and to pickup School clothes for the kids. Stella didn’t want to come back to the house. Keri wanted to ensure that we had her computer and homework. Linda used the time that Keri was upstairs to try for more arguments. She didn’t learn. She stated that I would not have Stella stay away one more night. She even threatened to call the MPs. I didn’t care. She had already told me she wanted a divorce. At this point, I am more then happy to give it to her. She also didn’t like the fact that I had been working to protect myself; changing pass codes to my pay web sight, adding a checking account that she didn’t have access to. Stuff that you start doing when you and your spouse wants a divorce.

The three of did stay the night and was prepared to stay longer if necessary. The MPs, if called, never came by. We had a relaxing evening. I even ordered Pizza for dinner.

This morning, I got up for my morning formation. I arrived back with plenty of time to get Keri up for school. Keri needed a couple of thing that she forgot at the house, so I drove her over and ensured that she was not harassed. Linda just glared at us and tried to spout off a couple comments that would normally have made me angry. She sure knows how to push buttons. I stayed with Keri until she was safely on the bus. Afterwards, I rushed back to Karla’s house to wake up Stella and her friends. Karla took them to the bus stop, while I changed clothes.

I had a very busy schedule planned. Victim Services at the court house for a Protection Order, both schools for counseling support for Keri and Stella and Social Work Services. I made it to the first stop and made an appointment for tomorrow. I received a text message or three from Linda as I was leaving, none of them made much sense. I made it to Stella’s school and talked with the student councilor and the Principal about what was going on. Then I had a few more text messages, all of them saying pretty much the same thing. (Attention Getters) These were only providing me with motivation. I made it to Keri’s school. Talked with the guidance councilor about the situation and how much it has been affecting her. I took Linda off the emergency contact list and ensured that she could go through the school to cause trouble. As I was leaving I received a call from Linda asking me where I was. I responded with a simple “off post”. She said “good” and hung up. Not knowing what she was up to, I returned to the elementary school. I just wanted to make sure she wasn’t trying to pick Stella up.

I was about 20 minutes from Fort Drum on my return trip, when the next call came in from Linda. I answered the phone with “what do you need”. Linda calmly relies “I just wanted to talk with you as I die”. I slammed the brakes and pulled off the side of the road. I called 911 and had them transfer me to Fort Drum 911. The lady took all of the information and sent out a car to the house. She insured that I was in route home and got my ETA. She then started asking if there were any weapons or alcohol in the house. I told her no. After that call, I was a bit shaken; but preceded as fast as I could back to post. I received two phone calls from the MP desk. First telling me that the Officers were at my house, but they weren’t getting any response. Second, was because of my dogs. I guess they were having a problem with the Rotty. I was speeding through the gate of Fort Drum during the second call. Just 5 minutes away from home, I told the officer this and he hung up. I arrived to find 7 vehicles scattered in front of my house, but no aid car. I parked the best I could and found several officers at the door and Storm trying to get out. The Officer in Charge allowed me to enter the house first to secure the two dogs. Once that was accomplished, they came in. Linda was no where to be seen. The OIC directed some to go upstairs and asked me to wait outside. I was out there when one of the many came looking for information and Linda’s I.D. I was escorted back into my own house to look for it.

Linda was on the sofa when I came in. She wasn’t speaking clearly and she appeared to be loosing consciousness. Then everything was happening at once. One officer needed a towel of cloth to stop the bleeding. Another, needed a can or bucket for her throw up into. And yet another, needed information about Linda’s history and medications. The first one was still asking for that I.D. card. I looked around downstairs for my wife’s purse and didn’t see it. I went upstairs to look for it and ran into another officer in my bed room. He was taking picture. That’s when everything hit me. There was an empty alcohol bottle on the night stand, with a razor blade. Blood was on the sheets. Shaking myself out of the rack of emotions that were hitting me, I asked the officer if he had seen the damn purse. He said no. We both went into the connecting bathroom. We found the purse. We also found paper towels and clothes covered with blood and a paper bag from her purchasing the alcohol.

I took Linda’s I.D. back to the officer needing it. Answer a whole lot of questions. Then, I provided a copy of the previous police report. The ambulance finally arrived and they rushed her out to it. The OIC told me that she was lucky to have thrown up as much alcohol as she did, because it helped to remove a lot of the pills that were inside her. The Officer’s were starting to pack out as poor Keri got off the bus, right in the middle of everything. She came at me crying and white as a ghost. She had been told to take the bus to Karla’s house, but she said she afraid of what she had seen. Stella, through out all of this, still doesn’t know what all has been happening and is currently enjoying another night at Karla’s. Keri was able to spend time with her boyfriend at a football game, but now more then ever, needs counseling. I’m still trying to cope with all this myself.

I hope this time they listen to me and keep her in the hospital longer and gives her the help she needs. -Because I can’t keep doing this, and I won’t allow any more of this around my children.

-Ken

Finding my way,

Another day has come and gone. This one started early. I had to wake the girls up early for them to go to the High School football game. Stella and Keri were really looking forward to this. I used the time to catch up on some of the house work and to reset myself. They were only gone for a couple hours, but it was time well used. Once they returned, both of them helped out where they could and cleaned up their rooms.

You know, I don’t expect my kid’s bedrooms to be perfect, but I try to hold them to a standard that they can achieve. Simply making sure their rooms are free of hazards, trash and dirty laundry. To me their rooms should be the safest and most comfortable place in the house. A place to that they can escape to and relax. They both have the means to watch TV and movies in their rooms. Books, games and Keri has her computer. It gives them the freedom of choice. A little spoiled, maybe; but growing up, I wished that I had a safe place. I never use their room as a form of punishment for that reason.

After they were done with their chores, Stella went to play with her friends outside. Keri had her boyfriend over to watch a movie. Jamie has a good head on his shoulder and treats Keri with a lot of respect; and me too for that matter. But I’ve finally got use to having these “Estrogen Headaches”. For me, it’s feels more then a little unusual to have another male around the house. Even more unusual is that I can get along with him. Due to the abuse I grew up with, I’ve found it difficult to deal with other males. Not impossible mind you. I have a few good male friends. But I would agree with most of the ladies, men can be such….

After I was finished with the dishes and the laundry, I found time to chat with a friend that had returned from her trip. This lightened my spirit a little, but I had to get ready for my visit with Linda. I made sure that Stella was having fun at Karla’s house. Karla was having a slumber party for her two girls. She had twelve girls all around the ages of 7-10, not including Stella. Wow! I’m glad she had help from one of the other Moms. I wished her luck and left quickly.

Jamie had to go home, so Keri joined me for my visit with Linda. Keri confessed to me that she didn’t want to be left alone and because she was left to fend for herself a lot over the past 4 months. Tonight, I realized how much of a rift was created between Linda and Keri. Keri told me I should get divorced and I should be able to get a chance to get out doing the things that I like doing. This should have given me a clue about how well the visit was going to go.

During the visit, Keri and Linda had a difficult time dealing with each other. Keri would start a conversation just to have Linda point out her flaws. Keri would give back as much as she received. The visit was tense to say the least. I guess I needed to see how they would react with each other before Linda returned home. Linda and I played cards and Keri wound up just talking with just me. At the end of the visit, Linda made a statement that had Keri ready to get out of there and made my very concerned. “If I’m not out of this place by Tuesday, then there’s going to be hell to pay.” I told her I didn’t have control of that. She tells me that she’s still in there because of me and I have more control then that.

I called the Social Worker on duty, after I returned home; she verified that these comments were typical for the disorder she has. She also asked me to call on Monday and have Linda’s Social Worker document the conversation.

Karla called to let me know that Stella was sick and had a fever. When I went to pick her up she was pale and very hot. I brought her home, gave her some medication, and had her lay down on the sofa with a cold washcloth on her forehead. Within an hour she was feeling tired but much better. Right now she’s asleep on the sofa with Storm lying next to her on the floor. Keri has already given me her goodnight hug and kiss. I feel loved and secure at the moment. I just can’t shake the feeling that one of my tough decisions has already been made, but I’m too afraid to admit it.



- Good Night