Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I never did like Mondays

Monday, November 10th, was just a day for the blahs. Moody blues or whatever you want to call them. For the military it was part of a four day weekend here, so I didn’t have to report to formation. But the kids still had to go to school, even though they really didn’t want to go. I didn’t have to worry about Alysa and Paige either. Which was a good thing because those kids gave me such a wonderful gift this weekend; I caught their cold.

I took care of seeing both Keri and Stella off to school, gave them all the attention and help they need, smiled as Stella waved goodbye from the bus and then went right back to bed. They say: “If you find yourself waking up on the wrong side of the bed, go back and try again.” Too bad for me; the other side of the bed was the phone. Deb from the hospital called for me to make arrangements for another meeting. I set it for tomorrow at 11:30 a.m. That phone call ended what should have been a wonderful nap. Linda has stated on previous meetings and visits things like: “This is just so easy for you, throwing our marriage away like this.” Or “You don’t care about what this is doing to me or else you wouldn’t be doing it.”

It’s never easy! Especially when I find yourself alone, thinking that maybe, just maybe I should give her another chance. I know intellectually it wouldn’t make a difference and I would be putting my children at risk again. But emotionally, when I’m alone I wonder could there be away to salvage everything without her having to leave. I am not the one that likes to throw away, what would have been a 13 year old relationship in December. I walk through my house and everything is still in the right place. Her dresser is filled with her clothes and all of her pictures are still up. I haven’t been able to bring myself to changing anything yet. But just like the relationship itself, I will make changes when then the problems out weighs the benefits.

Karla called me at about noon and told me Paige and Alysa had stayed home from school because of their colds. So I decided to go over and cheer them up. (Or maybe the other way around) Surprisingly enough I found them helping each other in cleaning their rooms. I was just standing in the hall watching them until Alysa turned around and nearly jumped out of her skin. I guess I should have announced myself, but that would have taken the fun out of scaring them. Shocked looks were replaced with smiles quickly enough though.

One of them asked if Stella was coming over after school. The other asked if Stella could spend the night. I said only if they did as their Mom asked and finished their rooms. Alysa gave me a quick hug and they both went back to cleaning. I sat down and talked with Karla until Keri made it home. Before leaving I checked on Alysa and Paige’s progress and was surprised at their progress. I let them know that Stella would be able to spend the night. Karla made Pulled Pork Sandwiches, Cole Slaw, Deviled Eggs and Baked Beans. For me that sounded like a dangerous combination, but it turned out very good. Keri and I spent the remainder of the evening talking about her feelings and plans for the future and troubles with the past.

The picture at the top is Heather and Keri on the day I was married to Linda. They were our flower girls. Keri was 4 1/2 years old and every day now I can see how much it hurts her to have Linda's final words hanging over her. For Keri, Linda is the only Mom she's ever known and now Linda says she only has one daughter.



Tabby said...

Hi Ken,

Hope you get over that cold quickly. Just take one day at a time and see what happens as I know it hurt's you thinking about ending your marriage. The pictures of the girls are adorable also.
Take Care,

Aleera said...

Wow you just had to have me in the picture.I hate my hair in that pic.

Melissa said...

aww, u and ur girls.hope u feel better soon