Thursday, October 2, 2008


Have you ever had someone in your life that just appears to be broken?

Linda had been crying, angry, hurtful and just plain lost ever since she came home. Right now she lies sleeping as she has been for the past 12 hours. I look at and see someone that is just "broken". There is nothing that I can do to help her. I know that I have tried everything to help.

Depression is like alcoholism, at least on how it affects and hurts those around. It continues being difficult keeping my spirits up and even harder preventing my children from being affected.

She tells me “I am the source of her happiness” and “without you I have nothing”. I believe her, and I feel the weight of that responsibility. Keri, for the most part, has stopped all but necessary conversations with her. She doesn’t want be hurt or say something that might make things worse. Stella is afraid of Mom and Dad not being together anymore.

I know that I cannot love this way anymore. I hate feeling this tore up every day. While I am here, there is very little escape for me. I need a chance to heal to. But if I leave for a short time, she makes me regret doing so. Sometimes I think that divorce is the only option left. But how will I feel if she kills herself as a result.

I have a lot of friend trying to help, but none of them have the answers either. The Army requires me to have a family care plan put together by the end of this emergency leave. I don’t have a clue on even how to accomplish that! My parents have passed on. My brothers are too much like my father; one of them currently going through a divorce. My oldest sister, Dorothy, just lost her husband. There really no one available, that I trust.

But on the bright side of all of this…. I will have to get back to you on that one.

1 comment:

Melissa said...

its always hard when someone depends on u for everything, u feel responsible for them and there happiness, so even when there are times u feel like u need to step away to save urself, u cant for fear of crushing the other person