Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Heavy reading and dark thoughts.

It is known; you must first identify a problem before you can fix a problem. In military terms: “Know your enemy.”

I have been learning all of these wonderful medical and mental terms lately. So many in fact, that it feels like I’m back in school, complete with homework. I hope I don’t fail this test. To tell the truth, all of this unwanted education has been giving me a headache. But it’s necessary for me to understand the all problems that I am facing. All of the psychoanalysis that’s been going on over the last few weeks has provided me with the understanding of many different types of depressive disorders. The doctors were able to help identify which ones were affecting my wife. But depression alone did not help explain the reason why my wife has to acts on such extreme impulses. (The hurtful nature she has.) Today, they have finally been able to put a name to this issue.

Borderline personality disorder, is what they called it. If you watch a lot of movies, you will understand the terms and potential problems by watching Fatal Attraction. This movie was a smash hit, becoming the second highest grossing film of 1987. Critics were enthusiastic about the film, and it received six Academy Award nominations. The character of Alex Forrest (Glenn Close) has been cited as a notable film example of a person with borderline personality disorder.

After all of the explanations and the studying I’ve done on this topic today, I would agree it possible. It does explain a lot, but doesn’t help me to understand the enemy. This part does:

“It has been noted that there is probably no other mental disorder about which so many articles and books have been written, yet about which so little is known. Studies suggest that individuals with BPD tend to experience frequent, strong and long-lasting states of aversive tension, often triggered by perceived rejection, being alone, or perceived failure. Individuals with BPD may show lability (changeability) between anger and anxiety or between depression and anxiety. The negative emotional states particularly associated with BPD have been grouped into four categories: extreme feelings in general; feelings of destructiveness or self-destructiveness; feelings of fragmentation or lack of identity; and feelings of victimization. Individuals with BPD can be very sensitive to the way others treat them, reacting strongly to perceived criticism or hurtfulness. Their feelings about others often shift from positive to negative, generally after a disappointment or perceived threat of losing someone.”

My question has been: “What can I do to help fix this?” The answer is: Nothing! Except leave it to God with prayer. The fact is, I feel, I might be doing more harm then good! And it scares me! The test that I mentioned earlier will be a test of my strength, character and mental fortitude. Do I divorce and move on or do I wait and loose her slowly over time? I was asked today, during my visit: “Can I support her through this and still be married? Because her condition may get worse, not better, over time!” I just don’t have an answer, because her love for me might be her own enemy. What if it becomes mine?

-Ken

3 comments:

Aleera said...

I am sorry to hear that is what is going on with Linda. One of my friends in High school suffered with that and now he is in the Portland mental home here in oregon. Or thats the last that I heared of him anyway. I hope it does get better for her. And you. But keep your faith.

Love
Heather

Melissa said...

all u really can do is pray and hope that God will show you the way to go. hopefully he will give u the answers

Tabby said...

Hi Ken,

Mental health is such a difficult thing to deal with. One one hand you as a dad has to be able to do whats best for your kids, then you as a husband who loves his wife wants to stick it out for her. It really must be tearing you up inside. I just started reading your blog a little while ago so I am not sure how long Linda has been sick and what she was like before. I think you should hang in there for a while, then you will know you did what you could. After some time if things are not better unfortunately its time to move on because you owe it to yourself and children. I sure hope there is a miracle though and Linda gets better!!!