Weekend of mixed feelings

I have to say, I had fun playing Wii with the kids. (When I left for Iraq, we didn’t have one.) After several false attempts, I figured out how to make the darn thing work. Thanks to Paige and Stella, anyway. I’m still amazed how much these kids are teaching me. Anyhow, between playing and watching shows, the three of us were having a real good time. I had promised both of them a trip to the pool and told them to get ready. The energy they have, tired me out, so I took this time out and used it to chat with my Niece Heather and my friend in Iraq. It just felt refreshing to be doing something different.

When we arrived at the pool, people were having a fair of some sort. So I wasn’t expecting to see horses there. Of course, when you have two young girls with you that love horses, this fact wasn’t going to escape their notice. As they said, “there’s the Momma, the Poppa and their baby”, I noticed the pony. Talk about your unexpected pleasures, I have always loved horses too. The pony was about 6 hands high. Anyway, we had a really great time at the pool. Stella is still learning to swim, but Paige is a natural. We were there for a good hour or so just relaxing and having fun. As refreshing as the water felt, so was the enjoyment of just getting out of the house.

Linda was awake when we got back home. I was able to sit a talk with her for awhile, nothing really stressful. Afterwards, Linda went to the pharmacy to fill some prescriptions just to find the place closed because of a fire. I stayed at home waiting for Paige’s father to come pick her up and to chat with Heather. Linda and I were going to meet up at her friend’s house for football and playing cards. Up till this time, everything appeared to be going great. You know, it never goes as planned.

There is a reason for having instructions on prescription medications. You might even think it would be to help remind the patient of the instructions. But sometimes it’s there to help others to figure out what went wrong. Anti-anxiety meds are not meant to be consumed in large quantities. And I learned that I was the wrong person to help her through it. She needs me to be supportive and loving. I don’t know how when she say’s that I am also the source of her pain. I was up with her till almost 6 the next morning.

Stella got up a little after 7 to find me already up and ready to give her breakfast. I had lain down on the sofa to get in a couple more hours of sleep and be there for her as she watched a movie and play her game. All day today, I kept having last night’s issues plaguing me. It worries me that she is so quick to use the medications in such high doses. I feel like I should lock them all up and hide all the knives. This is where I need God’s strength. And I could use everyone’s advice and prayers.

Linda slept in till about 4pm. In that time I was able to get the kids out to the library and take a walk at the park. The kids at least didn't know that anything was wrong this time. While I was out, I was able to take a few pictures and redirect my mood. Nature walks really helps to clear the mind. I think I really need to have tough love on this one. The path she is on now, no body will be able to tell the difference between accidental overdose and suicide. To the ones that love her, there won't be a difference in the meanings.

-Good night